🥄 Spooned Sentences

Every mouthful tastes vaguely familiar.

4 mai 2026

On April 28, in an Oakland federal court, the wealthiest human currently alive took the stand to warn a jury of nine about a « Terminator outcome ». Same day, by pre-recorded video at an Amazon Web Services keynote, his adversary explained that his schedule « got taken away from me today » before confirming that OpenAI’s coding agent Codex was now available to AWS customers. The two co-founded a 2015 nonprofit built to prevent Google from controlling artificial intelligence. The charity allegedly stole itself in 2019. They have since spent a decade fighting over which of them gets to control the thing the charity was supposed to prevent anyone from controlling.

The trial markets itself as a moral crusade over who deserves stewardship of digital superintelligence on humanity’s behalf. Underneath, two billionaires are negotiating market position through the federal judiciary. Musk pledged $1B to the original nonprofit and contributed $38M, a figure he revised upward to « over $100M » on the stand this week by counting his « reputation » as in-kind. He left the board in 2018, founded xAI in 2023, and is now asking the court for $130B, the dismantling of OpenAI’s for-profit conversion, and Altman’s ouster, on grounds that conveniently kneecap his own competing lab. Altman’s defense, that this is sour grapes from a co-founder who walked away while the others succeeded, is also true. Both things can be.

The thing they are litigating cannot decide who controls anything, because the thing does not exist yet and possibly never will in the form their lawyers describe. Generative AI does not need to be AGI to do most of the work AGI was advertised to do. Last April, Ahrefs flagged AI-generated content in 74.2% of newly published web pages. Graphite’s analysis of Common Crawl recorded the moment in November 2024 when machine-written articles briefly outnumbered human-written ones. By July 2025, AI-assisted pages held 19.56% of Google’s top 20. Roughly 82% of Amazon’s herbal-remedy book titles are now likely synthetic. The operation actually underway is the rewriting of product copy, agency bios, recruitment emails and B2B newsletters in a single voice, produced by four California labs converging on the same lexicon and the same instinct for the inoffensive middle.

Ten years from now, when corpus linguists run a retrospective on the 2023-2030 web, the figure of interest will be how much lexical and syntactic variety quietly disappeared while the public was being entertained with charters and oracle metaphysics. Shumailov’s Nature paper on model collapse already sketches the mechanism. None of this required AGI to arrive. The promise of AGI is doing most of the work AGI itself never showed up to do, and the courtroom in Oakland is part of the trick. By the time the verdict lands in mid-May, the redistribution it claims to litigate will have travelled another year, somewhere on the molecular layer of commercial prose where no jury has standing.

🥄 Spooned Sentences

🗞️ Top Story

  • 🇫🇷 Minor Threat. French police arrested a 15-year-old, suspected of being « breach3d, » for leaking up to 18M personal records from the national ID agency. The price of digital mischief just got a lot younger. (Libé)
  • 🇩🇪 Exit Strategy. Trump says the US will sharply reduce its military presence in Germany, promising a pullout well beyond the previously announced 5,000 troops. (Spiegel)
  • 🇩🇪 Tank You, Next The German government aims for Europe’s strongest army by 2035, but public memory of World War II still casts a long shadow. (El Pais)
  • 🇱🇹 Spy Hard. Lithuania arrested nine people accused of planning sabotage and murder for Russia’s military intelligence, after a yearlong investigation sparked by a hidden AirTag. (New York Times)
  • 🇪🇺 Proxy War, Retail Edition. A string of arson and attacks on Jewish sites across Europe is being linked to a new group accused of hiring local teens for cash, as investigators probe possible Iranian ties. (New York Times)
  • 🇬🇧 French Connection. Laure Ferrari, once active in European far-right circles, is now the confidante and strategist powering Nigel Farage’s push for 10 Downing Street. (Le Monde)
  • 🇺🇸 Ship Shape. Trump says the Navy will help stranded ships leave the Strait of Hormuz, insisting it’s for everyone’s good and hinting at consequences for Iran. (BBC)
  • 🇺🇸 Wing and a Scare. United Airlines flight 169 from Venice struck a truck and a lamp post before landing safely in Newark, with only the truck driver sustaining minor injuries. (Le Figaro)
  • 🇨🇴 Track and Field. A monster truck jumped the barriers at a Popayán auto event, hitting dozens of onlookers and causing 3 deaths and 38 injuries. (Le Figaro)
  • 🇨🇺 Cuba Libre. Miguel Díaz-Canel dénonce les menaces et les nouvelles sanctions de Trump comme un « acte criminel », et promet que Cuba résistera à toute agression américaine. (Spiegel)
  • 🇲🇲 Prison Lite. The junta shifts Aung San Suu Kyi from jail to house arrest, as Min Aung Hlaing tries to rebrand his rule for foreign audiences. (Le Figaro)
  • 🇹🇳 By the Booked. Tunisia tumbles 8 places in the global press freedom index as journalists like Zied el-Heni discover that courtrooms are easier to enter as defendants than as reporters. (Le Figaro)
  • 🌍 Viral Voyage. An outbreak of acute respiratory syndrome aboard the MV Hondius cruise ship has killed three people, with hantavirus confirmed as the likely cause according to the WHO. (Le Monde)
  • 🌍 Press Pause. Reporters Without Borders reports global press freedom is now at its lowest level in 25 years, with over half of countries labeled « difficult » or « very serious » for journalists. (Le Temps)
🇬🇧 United Kingdom
  • 🇬🇧 See No Evil. After the Golders Green stabbing, PM Keir Starmer urges the public to recognize Jewish suffering and promises stronger police presence in Jewish areas. (The Guardian)
  • 🇬🇧 No Quick Fix. Lucy Powell warns Labour supporters not to expect instant solutions after bruising local election results and internal party tensions. (The Guardian)
  • 🇬🇧 Undercover Uncovered. MI5 lured neo-Nazi Alfie Coleman into a fake arms deal, arresting him as he picked up a pistol in a supermarket car park. (BBC)
🇺🇸 United States
  • 🇺🇸 Critical Condition. Rudy Giuliani, former New York mayor and Trump lawyer, has been hospitalized in Florida in critical but stable condition according to his spokesperson. (Cnbc)
  • 🇺🇸 Trip Right. The Trump administration now champions psychedelics like psilocybin and LSD, marking a head-spinning reversal from decades of Republican opposition. (New York Times)
  • 🇺🇸 Bench Press. Scott Colom, whose federal judgeship was blocked by Senator Cindy Hyde-Smith, is now running to unseat her in Mississippi’s Senate race. (New York Times)

🏛️ Economy

  • 🇳🇱 Ad-Free Range. Amsterdam bans public ads for meat and fossil fuels, scrubbing burgers and gas guzzlers from billboards to align with climate targets. The Dutch Meat Association is not loving it. (BBC)
  • 🇪🇺 Rate Race. The ECB kept interest rates steady after much debate, but mounting inflation fears now have markets betting on a June hike. (Boursier)
  • 🇪🇺 Blanket Coverage. The IMF criticizes European governments for repeating 2022 mistakes by offering broad energy aid rather than targeting those most in need, risking bigger deficits down the road. (Le Temps)
  • 🇪🇺 Euro Star Up. Inflation in the eurozone hit 3% in April, topping forecasts and marking a jump from 2.6% in March, just as core inflation cooled slightly. (Boursier)
  • 🇬🇧 Loan Ranger. The UK will start talks to join the EU’s £78B loan scheme for Ukraine, aiming to help Kyiv and secure contracts for British firms. (BBC)
  • 🇨🇭 Neutral Gear. Innosuisse and Armasuisse debut a $16M fund to boost Swiss security and defense innovation, blending neutrality with military ambition. (Le Temps)
  • 🇺🇸 Auto Correct. Donald Trump revives his trade war toolkit, slapping a 25% import tariff on EU vehicles for allegedly breaching last summer’s agreement, leaving Germany in the crosshairs. (El Pais)
  • 🇺🇸 Spirit Level. Spirit Airlines collapses after soaring jet fuel prices and war-linked disruptions, leaving 17,000 jobless and passengers stranded as the first airline casualty of the Iran crisis. (Le Temps)
  • 🌎 Rate Race. Central banks in the US, Japan, UK and Europe all kept interest rates unchanged this week, admitting they are boxed in by inflation and uncertainty. (New York Times)
  • 🇰🇷 Tax Dynasty. The Lee family has finished paying South Korea’s largest-ever inheritance tax bill, handing over $8B after inheriting Samsung’s $45B fortune. (BBC)
  • 🇹🇼 AI of the Tiger Taiwan’s GDP soared 13.7% in Q1, its fastest growth in 39 years, as artificial intelligence demand turned the island’s economy up to eleven. (Wall Street Journal)
  • 🌍 Crude Gestures. OPEC Plus agrees to a token production increase of 188,000 barrels a day, signaling stability after the UAE’s abrupt exit from the group. (New York Times)
🇬🇧 United Kingdom
  • 🇬🇧 Rate Hike. UK exports to the US plunged 25% after Trump’s « liberation day » tariffs, flipping the UK’s biggest trade relationship into a deficit overnight. (Cnbc)
  • 🇬🇧 Crypto Confetti. Reform UK’s Nigel Farage faces demands for answers after taking a £5M personal gift from a crypto investor right before pledging to slash industry taxes. (Financial Times)
  • 🇬🇧 Rate Expectations. The Bank of England kept its key interest rate at 3.75% as Middle East energy shocks stir inflation fears, disappointing those betting on a hike. (Financial Times)
🇺🇸 United States
  • 🇺🇸 Pump Fiction. Americans spent $125M more on gasoline this Friday compared to last week, as average prices jumped 33 cents to $4.39 a gallon. (Wall Street Journal)
  • 🇺🇸 Loan Wolf. The Trump administration is tightening rules on federal student loan forgiveness, making it harder for borrowers to escape debt without extra payments or tax bills. (Wall Street Journal)
  • 🇺🇸 Six Appeal. California gas prices just crossed $6 per gallon, giving drivers another reason to love public transit. Or maybe just staying home. (Bloomberg)

🏢 Real Estate

  • 🇭🇰 Morgan Rally. Hong Kong property stocks surged after Morgan Stanley issued a bullish report, giving investors a rare dose of optimism in a battered sector. (Bloomberg)
🇬🇧 United Kingdom
  • 🇬🇧 Blast Call. Two people died and three were injured, including a child, after a suspicious house explosion in Bristol that police are investigating as a major incident. (The Guardian)
  • 🇬🇧 Chat Your House. NatWest now answers mortgage questions inside ChatGPT, turning the platform into a one-stop shop for digital homebuying daydreams. (FinExtra)
🇺🇸 United States
  • 🇺🇸 Four Mile Divide. Despite sitting close together, Garden State Plaza buzzes as Willowbrook Mall struggles, proving retail survival is anything but uniform. (Bloomberg)

🔗 On-chain

  • 🇺🇸 Betting Odds. Investors are now turning to prediction markets like Polymarket and Kalshi, treating their betting odds as real financial indicators nobody wants to ignore. (Le Temps)
🇺🇸 United States
  • 🇺🇸 Future Shock. Democrats call for immediate CFTC action against prediction markets, arguing that wagering on world events threatens both market integrity and democracy. (Cnbc)

💱 Listed Markets

  • 🇫🇷 Plan B. Air France-KLM revoit à la baisse ses objectifs de capacité pour 2026, invoquant une hausse de 2,4 milliards de dollars du coût du carburant, conséquence de la guerre en Iran qui maintient les marchés pétroliers instables. (Wall Street Journal)
  • 🇨🇭 Bank on It. Swiss lawmakers convene to debate a crucial law that could redefine the future of UBS, setting the course for Swiss banking. (Bloomberg)
  • 🇺🇸 Break-Free Zone. Greg Abel used his first Berkshire Hathaway annual meeting as CEO to rule out any break-up, pledging strict continuity with Warren Buffett’s legacy. (Cnbc)
  • 🇺🇸 Cloud Nine. Google Cloud posted 63% revenue growth last quarter, outpacing both Microsoft and Amazon as all three beat analyst estimates thanks to AI demand. (Cnbc)
  • 🇺🇸 Thread Count Reddit reported $804M in quarterly revenue, up 69% from last year, easily topping Wall Street expectations and flexing its ad muscle. (Cnbc)
  • 🇺🇸 Package Deal Elon Musk’s 2025 compensation at Tesla is pegged at $158B, with even more to come if milestones are met. (Wall Street Journal)
  • 🌏 Chip Shot. AI chipmakers in South Korea and Taiwan spark a rally that pushes Asian stock indexes close to all-time highs, silicon doing the heavy lifting. (Bloomberg)
🇬🇧 United Kingdom
  • 🇬🇧 Outlook Down. Despite topping profit forecasts, NatWest saw its shares fall 4% as investors balked at a reserved revenue projection. (Wall Street Journal)

🛎️ Big Deals (M&A)

  • Atos Group 🇫🇷 finalizes the sale of its South American operations to Semantix 🇧🇷.
  • Sopra Steria 🇫🇷 acquires Starion 🇫🇷 and Nexova 🇫🇷, finalizing their strategy to enhance expertise in the space and cybersecurity sectors.
  • BPCE 🇫🇷 acquires novobanco 🇵🇹 for €6.7B, marking a significant cross-border banking acquisition in the Eurozone.
  • Thyssenkrupp 🇩🇪 suspends negotiations with Jindal Steel International 🇮🇳 regarding the sale of its steel division TKSE.
  • Banco Santander 🇪🇸 increases its stake in Ebury 🇬🇧 to 55% as part of a $550M funding round.
  • Engie 🇧🇪 and Electrabel 🇧🇪 enter exclusive negotiations for the potential acquisition of their nuclear activities by the Belgian state.
  • Santander UK 🇬🇧 acquires TSB 🇬🇧 for £3B.
  • Standard Chartered Bank Plc 🇬🇧 sells part of its Indian credit card business to Federal Bank Ltd. 🇮🇳, acquiring up to 450,000 credit cards.
  • DAZN 🇬🇧 acquires ViewLift 🇺🇸 for approximately $100M.
  • DCC 🇬🇧 rejects a $6.67B bid from KKR 🇺🇸 and Energy Capital Partners 🇺🇸, citing undervaluation.
  • GameStop 🇺🇸 makes a $55.5B takeover offer for eBay 🇺🇸, valuing the e-commerce firm at $125 a share.
  • Meta 🇺🇸 acquires Assured Robot Intelligence 🇺🇸 for an undisclosed sum.
  • Francisco Partners 🇺🇸 is in talks to acquire Moneris 🇨🇦, valued at up to $2B.
  • KKR 🇺🇸 explores the sale of Flora Food Group 🇬🇧 for as much as $10B.
  • Lazard 🇺🇸 acquires Campbell Lutyens 🇬🇧 in a $575M deal to enhance its private capital advisory services.
  • ADW Capital 🇺🇸 offers nearly $3B to acquire Driven Brands 🇺🇸 at $18 per share, representing a 40% premium.
  • Skyline Builders 🇺🇸 to merge with Cove Kaz Capital 🇰🇿, which secured $1.6B in US government support for tungsten mining.
  • SBI Holdings 🇯🇵 is in talks to acquire a stake in Bitbank 🇯🇵, aiming to make the crypto exchange a consolidated subsidiary.
  • Investing.com 🇮🇱 acquires Stonki 🇮🇱, an AI-powered investing assistant.

🧳 Private Markets & VC

  • 🇫🇷 SeaX. French startup Bubble Robotics wants to become the SpaceX of the ocean, using underwater drones to map and protect critical seabed infrastructure. (Le Figaro)
  • 🇪🇺 Collateral Damage Barclays and peers downplay private credit risks as MFS’s collapse triggers fresh fears about hidden losses lurking in European bank portfolios. (Cnbc)
  • 🇬🇧 Saba Story. Boaz Weinstein’s Saba Capital 🇺🇸 ousts the board of Edinburgh Worldwide Investment Trust after a bitter SpaceX feud, seizing control and promising a strategy overhaul that rattles the UK fund sector. (Cnbc)
  • 🇺🇸 Profit Motive. Elon Musk claims OpenAI and Altman broke their promise by shifting to a for-profit model, insisting you can’t “steal a charity” in court. (TechCrunch)
  • 🇺🇸 AI of the Tiger. Anthropic is set to team up with Blackstone and Goldman Sachs for a $1.5B joint venture selling AI to Wall Street’s portfolio companies. Wall Street bets on artificial instincts. (Wall Street Journal)
  • 🇺🇸 Fee-Fi-Fo-Fum. ILPA says private equity’s “continuation vehicles” are just fee machines dressed up as exits, putting investors on the losing side of both trades. (Financial Times)
  • 🇺🇸 Concierge Key. With $27M from big-name investors, Casa reveals its all-in-one home management service, bringing Uber-style convenience to leaky faucets and jammed doors. (New York Times)
  • 🇺🇸 Now You See Him. Eric Trump is no longer listed as a leader at Digital World Acquisition Corp, as the embattled fintech erases his public profile overnight. (Bloomberg)

Fundraising

  • Ebury 🇬🇧 (Fintech): £550M (Centerbridge Partners, Santander, Vitruvian Partners, 83North)
  • Musely 🇺🇸 (Telemedicine): $360M
  • Rogo 🇺🇸 (Fintech): $160M (Kleiner Perkins, Sequoia, Thrive Capital, Khosla Ventures, J.P. Morgan Growth Equity Partners, BoxGroup, Mantis VC, Jack Altman, Evantic, Positive Sum)
  • Netomi 🇺🇸 (AI): $110M (Accenture Ventures, Adobe Ventures, WndrCo)
  • Iterative Health 🇺🇸 (Healthcare): $77M
  • Fun 🇺🇸 (Payments): $72M (Multicoin Capital, SignalFire)
  • JuliaHub 🇺🇸 (AI): $65M (Dorilton Capital, General Catalyst, AE Ventures, Bob Muglia)
  • CHAI AI 🇺🇸 (AI): $55M (CoreWeave, AMD)
  • Legora 🇸🇪 (Legal Tech): $50M (Nvidia, NVentures, Atlassian, Adams Street Partners, Insight Partners)
  • Versana 🇺🇸 (Fintech): $43M (BNP Paribas, Fitch Ventures, MassMutual Ventures, Motive Partners, Apollo)
  • Torus 🇺🇸 (Energy): $35M (Trinity Capital Inc.)
  • DISA Technologies 🇺🇸 (Tech): $33M (Galvanize, BHP Ventures)
  • Buzzy 🇺🇸 (AI): $20M
  • Photon 🇺🇸 (Healthcare): $16M
  • pmtbox 🇺🇸 (Commerce): $15M
  • Techcyte 🇺🇸 (Healthcare): $15M
  • Lighthouse Pharmaceuticals 🇺🇸 (Biotech): $12M
  • Definity 🇺🇸 (Data Engineering): $12M
  • Marloo 🇦🇺 (Fintech): $10M (Blackbird Ventures, Icehouse Ventures)
  • Gymkhana Fine Foods 🇬🇧 (Food): $8.5M
  • Illuminant Surgical 🇺🇸 (Healthcare): $8.4M (Wing 2 Wing Ventures, National Science Foundation, National Cancer Institute, National Institute on Aging, Elderberry Ventures, Soma Capital, DRF)
  • Shapes 🇺🇸 (AI): $8M
  • Chord 🇺🇸 (Commerce): $7M
  • UnblockPay 🇧🇷 (Fintech): $4.5M (Prelude, Plug and Play, Wintermute, Reverie, Signature Ventures, Triaxis Capital, Crescera Capital, angel investors from Stone, Zoop, iFood)
  • Chance 🇺🇸 (Gaming): $3M
  • Certifyde 🇺🇸 (AI): $2M
  • Hectarea 🇫🇷 (Agritech): €1.5M
  • Jupid 🇺🇸 (Fintech): $840K (Pre-Seed to Succeed, AltaIR Capital, Yellow Rocks, Smart Partnership Capital, I2BF Global Ventures, Michigan State University Research Foundation)
  • Oberland Biotech GmbH 🇨🇭 (Biotechnology): CHF 2.5M (999 Family Office Pte. Ltd)

Fund Watch

  • Reverence Capital Partners 🇺🇸: $2B (recapitalization of Osaic, wealth management)
  • 137 Ventures 🇺🇸: $700M (two new funds, growth-stage venture capital)
  • Crescent Cove Advisors, LP 🇺🇸: $446M (Fund IV, oversubscribed)
  • Boyne Capital 🇺🇸: $400M (BCM Fund III, lower middle market PE fund, oversubscribed)
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🔔IPO

  • ING Groep 🇳🇱 (Banking): launching a €1B share buyback program after Q1 profit exceeded expectations at €1.56B.
  • IFS 🇸🇪 (Software): gearing up for a potential €15B IPO within the next two years while focusing on AI in manufacturing.

🧳 Debt

  • Europlasma 🇫🇷: secured up to €45M in a new bond financing agreement over 36 months.
  • ValorC3 Data Centers 🇺🇸: closed a credit facility with Apterra Infrastructure Capital to fund its Boise data center project.
  • Hut 8 🇨🇦: closed a $3.25B offering of investment-grade senior secured notes for its River Bend Data Center project.
  • Mountain Province Diamonds 🇨🇦: extended credit facility maturity and sold $999,999 in diamond sale receivables.
  • PT Vale 🇮🇩: secured a $750M sustainability-linked consortium loan.
  • Shapoorji 🇮🇳: marketing high-yield debt to JPMorgan and BlackRock.

❌ Failures

  • Ask.com 🇺🇸: after 25 years of operations, the search engine shut down, unable to compete with Google.
  • Spirit Airlines 🇺🇸: after failing to secure an $500M bailout, the airline ceased operations, affecting 17,000 employees.
  • Cboe 🇺🇸: the exchange is laying off 20% of its 1,670 staff as part of a strategy to focus on core businesses.

🎯 For a Few More Minutes…

  • 🇫🇷 Bake to Black. In Assé-le-Boisne, a village bakery has closed three times in three years: each new baker lasts a little less than the last. (Le Monde)
  • 🇫🇷 Copycat Calls. French voice actors fight to keep AI platforms like ElevenLabs from cloning and selling their voices without their consent or pay. (Le Monde)
  • 🇮🇪 Boxed In. After years of living openly in Dubai as a boxing promoter, Daniel Kinahan was arrested by local police on Ireland’s first Interpol warrant. (Washington Post)
  • 🇳🇴 Aurora Brawl. Tromso’s police are chasing unlicensed northern lights guides, most from abroad, as illegal tours flood the city and undercut locals. (New York Times)
  • 🇺🇸 Static Assets. Berkshire Hathaway’s 🏢 official website still looks straight out of 1998, and Warren Buffett’s fans insist it should never change a pixel. (Wall Street Journal)
  • 🇨🇳 Exit Laugh. Chizi, the standup comic who fled China after government backlash, discovers exile offers freedom but plenty of new limits too. (New York Times)
  • 🇻🇳 Toxic Legacy. Over 50 years after the Vietnam War, millions in Vietnam still suffer health effects from US-sprayed Agent Orange, with lasting scars across generations. (Libé)

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